The Precentor Martial was in the Tamo Mountains, not far from the Smoke Jaguars.
As for the IlKhan bidding away WarShips, you wrote it that way a little bit earlier (or I misread it).
I like the Tamo Mountains operation but I would make it happen a little bit earlier as otherwise the IlKhan might agree the Clans have lost.
There is also a slight problem with your plan as I read somewhere that ComGuards attacked a landing zone while a Clan was retreating. Why would they do something else right now?