OBT Forum

Arames Blackstone: “So, in today’s exciting news, ComStar has revealed that it has armed forces.”

Jimmy Meyer: “They’ve always had armed forces.”

Reinhard Hammstein: “Yes, those chaps who stand outside the HPGs in the funny caps.”

JM: “They’re called kepis.”

RH: “That’s not nice, Jimmy. I think they do a very good job, despite the caps.”

JM: “I mean the caps. They’re traditional French military headgear.”

AB: “I really didn’t think that Hanse Davion had that much pull with ComStar.”

JM: “It’s got nothing to do with House Davion, France is on Terra. It’s actually very near to ComStar’s military academy. I doubt Hanse Davion has ever even worn a kepi.”

AB: “And with good reason. But no, I don’t mean the security guards at your local HPG. ComStar has actually had a proper professional military for years now.”

RH: “What for? They’re a phone company!”

JM: “They’re also the planetary government of Terra.”

RH: “Oh, I forgot about that.”

AB: “Many people do, but they do maintain a small force to keep the homeworld secure and so forth.”
RH: “And to look nice on parade.”

AB: “I’d assume so, since as far as anyone knows no one has attacked Terra in ages.”

JM: “Unless you count your attempt to review the…”

AB: (speaking quickly) “But back on topic. The ComStar Guards and Militia are apparently going to expand their military presence at HPGs in the Capellan Confederation –“

RH: “All two planets of it, at the rate things are going.”

AB: “And are therefore commissioning new BattleMech production on Terra and Mars.”

Audience: (Gasps)

JM: “Quite. Now, this isn’t something we’re likely to see at actual HPG compounds, from what I understand that’ll be mostly conventional troops to provide security against pirates and the like. But since it means moving a lot of their infantry and armour off Terra, the ComGuards are expanding their BattleMech arm and they, very kindly, gave us a look. Who wants to see?”

Audience: “YEEEEEAAAAHHH!”

{Commercial Break}

RH (V/O): “For once, I’d got here first.”

Shot pans up a bird-legged with a needle-nosed torso as Reinhard climbs down.

RH: (gestures upwards) “Before anyone jumps to any unfortunate conclusions, this is a not a CRB-27 Crab, it's actually a CRB-27b which was originally designed for the SLDF’s Royal Command as an upgrade on the original CRB-27. The Crab was very popular with the SLDF – it’s a great mix of agility, firepower and endurance.”

RH (V/O): “I would have expanded on that, but at that time a thug arrived.”

Sounds from the next Mechbay and then Blackstone arrived.

AB: “Oh god. Can we show that on HV?”

RH: “What?”

AB: (waves upwards and then grabs the camera to stop it panning upwards) “Your ‘Mech.”

RH: “What about it?”

AB: “Well, it’s a bit obvious, isn’t it?” (Gestures towards his trousers). “Does it come with a bumper sticker saying ‘Hi, I’m compensating for a lack of something’?”

RH: “Oh shut up. Besides, we showed Jimmy in a Stalker didn’t we?”

AB: “Fair enough. Are the ComGuards actually going to be getting any of these though?”

RH: “Yep.”

AB: “They had a bit of a troubled production history, as I recall.”

RH: “Well, yes. But…”

AB: “Prototypes approved in the twenty-seventh century, and a hundred years later Cosara still hadn’t managed to get it into mass production.”

RH: “Well they’ve fixed that now.”

AB: “Four hundred years late.”

RH: “They’ve got it in production, at Cosara’s Martian plant, right now.”

AB: “Better late than never, I supppse. I thought that was a King Crab factory before it was mothballed.”

RH: “Yes. Thank goodness they didn’t buy any of those.”

AB: “The King-C is a great ‘Mech.”

RH: “Mmmmm. So what did you get.”

AB: (ushers him inside) “Behold!”

(shot of a Thug)

RH: “You couldn’t find anything larger?”

AB: (sigh) “It’s the biggest thing they’re building. Which is a shame, but it’s not bad.”

RH: “Could be worse, I agree. It’s basically what the SLDF wanted to replace their Warhammers with, isn’t it? Two PPCs, SRM launchers in those dodgy launchers over the hips.”

AB: “I’m assured that they’ve fixed the problem with those.”

RH: “So they close properly?”

AB: “Well, on the production models. This is admittedly a test-model so they’re jammed open right now.”

RH: “So it’s not actually in –“

(There’s a titanic crash from beyond the Thug.)

RH: “What was that!?”

AB: “It can’t be  Jimmy, can it?”

(They enter the next bay and find JM exiting his own ‘Mech.)

AB: “Jimmy, you colossal idiot, you’ve done it wrong.”

JM: “I have not.”

RH: “That’s one of the ComGuard’s shiny new designs?”

JM: “Yep.”

AB: “That’s a Blackjack!”

JM: “And you recognised it on the first attempt!”

RH: “Don’t they have a nasty habit of their armour falling off?”

JM: “That was nothing but malicious muck-spreading by corporate rivals. The AFFS has been using Blackjacks for centuries now and it’s not been a problem.”

AB: “But they nuked the factory, which wasn’t even on Terra. General Motors doesn’t have any factories in the Solar System.”

JM: “Well, they didn’t, but it turns out that Pandora MechWorks was built on one of their old sites and that there was a very nasty dust-up with the ComGuards purchasing over tank procurement, so it turns out that General Motors was made a very nice offer.”

AB: “And they didn’t offer the ComGuards the Marauder? Or something a bit more useful?”

JM: “They did offer the Marauder, actually. But the ComGuards apparently are pretty happy with their heavy line-up. They wanted a reliable medium with energy weapons.”

RH: “But…” (points back down the ‘Mech bays to his Crab).

JM: “Well, I assume they wanted a slightly more reliable source then.”

AB: “Or one with jump-jets.”

RH: “Wait a minute, energy weapons – the Blackjack has them but isn’t its main selling point the irritating little autocannon.”

AB: “Well you are our expert on irritating little things, Reinhard.”

JM: “Interestingly, the ComGuards requested a specialist design, which is designated the BJ-1DA. GM have removed the autocannon entirely and replaced the two torso-mounted lasers with Magna Mk III large lasers.”

RH: “That… sounds… almost sensible… Isn’t it rather warm though?”

JM: “The spare tonnage – three tons – went mostly into armour, admittedly.”

AB: “It must overheat like a Rifleman.”

JM: “You’d think that, but no. Apparently this has the same advanced heatsinks that the ComGuards use as standard.”

RH: “They’re putting freezers in new production!?”

JM: “Yes.”

AB: “That’s huge.”

RH: “It’s insane. I mean, if anyone would have a stockpile then it’d be ComStar...”

AB: “Agreed.”

RH: “But either that stockpile is the size of a good sized city, or it means they’re making them.”

JM: “It’ll make a tremendous difference. It’s not impossible to overheat this thing, but its far more forgiving than most ‘Mechs you see, despite the heatsinks and the lasers.”

AB: “You probably have them too, Reinhard. Is that the CRB-27 or CRB-27b?”

RH: “The B.”

JM: “Then it has freezers to offset the extra heat generated by those extended range lasers.”

RH: “It would explain a lot, yeah.”

AB: (laughs) “You didn’t notice, did you?”

RH: “Well, I wasn’t firing off any of those monster PPCs, was I?”

JM: “What did you bring, Arames?”

(they relocate to the Thug)

JM: “Ah yes, the reason the ComGuards didn’t want the Marauder. And unless I'm very much mistaken, those are Extended Range PPCs in the arms."

AB: “It can't be, I tried it on the range earlier and two lostech PPCs would have melted me if I... oh.”

RH: “Aha! I'm not the only one who missed that I had double heatsinks!”

JM: “You're both idiots. But anyway, the ComGuards have booked five designs: my Blackjack and Reinhard's Crab are affordable medium troopers, built on energy weapons for endurance and lack of explosive ammunition. And the second line are heavy troopers: the ST-8A Shootist for close assault, the ARC-2Rb Archer for long range engagements and Arames' THG-11Eb Thug for mid-range work. It's a comprehensive heavy line up, I can't really fault them for their choices.”

AB: (Splutters) “Ex-cuse me? I think you’ll find that this is an Assault ‘Mech.”

RH: “He’s right, Jimmy.” (winces) “I feel dirty just saying that.”

JM: “By the standards of the rest of the Inner Sphere, yes. And normally I’d agree.”

AB: “Thank you.”

JM: “But the ComGuards position is that it’s a heavy ‘Mech, on the grounds that it’s an improved Warhammer and the Warhammer is a heavy ‘Mech.”

RH: “Reasonable.”

AB: “But it weighs eighty tons.”

JM: “Apparently they feel that it fits a heavy role, so they’re grouping it with that.”

RH: “I bet I know what happened.”

AB: “Oh?”

RH: “The Primus probably said that they couldn’t afford an assault ‘Mech, but they really really wanted the Thug…”

AB: “Which they should, it’s fantastic.”

RH: “So they snuck it into their budget by calling it a heavy.”

JM: “Sounds possible.” (laughs) “They’d better hope he isn’t watching our show then. Or the jig is up.”

AB: “And on that bombshell… That’s it for this week!”